My own sample of structuralist thought...

The Myth of Sex
an essay from February 10, 2009                 


                      Gone are the 1970s and the days of “free love,” but we are currently very much in the midst of a sexual revolution. However, this revolution is not about opening our minds to the idea of sex as natural and healthy and is instead about establishing sex as the basis of relationships and existence in general. This trend is evident in trivial ways throughout mainstream society. No longer are PG-13 movies for those older than thirteen. No longer are cleavage, exposed g-strings or bra straps taboo. Song lyrics boast everything from cryptic sexual references about “licking lollipops” to moaning noises and the utterances of other sexual intimacies or vulgarities. Movies are based in sexuality, and no serious film is complete without an intense love scene. Gone are the days of Chevy Chase or Bill Murray. Modern adult comedy could not survive off of innocent humor: sex is essential. 

            Along with the naturalization and expectation of sex in media has come the commonplace role of sex in mainstream society and a transformation of traditional gender relations. The times have changed. Forgotten are the days of chastity and the view of sex as a somewhat sacred or holy act. Our parents’ generation will forever refer to the “good ole’ days” when a guy was thankful to earn a kiss at the door after the first date. As my brothers came of age in the 1990s, a girl who hit more than first or second base on the first date was fine for one night, but was rarely considered dating potential. Now, as mainstream media has completely normalized sex, one-night stands are hardly unthinkable and are actually far more commonplace and casual in our society than handholding. Today, if you are holding hands with another individual, you have surely been fucking and are most likely also engaged to be married. Mainstream society says your PDA (Public Display of Affection) is making everyone vomit. Please, get a room. Today, for both men and women, sexual intercourse is just as nonchalant as most all sexual acts. In fact, it may even be more routine than oral sex, which is oftentimes considered far more personal by mainstream society. Sex has become the behind-closed-doors version of the wink: a fleeting, often one-time connection of intimacy. 

            And so the myth of sex, better known as the myth of highly idolized casual fuck (fuck connoting all forms of sexual interaction, but especially intercourse), is created. In correlation with its permeation in society has come the slow decline of traditional femininity, a rise in a new form of masculinity rooted in a male’s ability to have casual sex at a whim with the object of his desire, and a general view of sex as commonplace. Sex has been embraced as the ultimate equalizer: Everyone benefits from sex and gets pleasure from it that wants it. And we all want it, right? It is the object of all of our desires…right? Ultimately, sex has been embraced by our society in a way that portrays it as the centerpiece of all healthy lives and relationships. It is what defines us as humans, what unites us as humans, and what allows us to embrace and fully realize our humanity. The invention of several forms of reliable birth control has only served to highlight the facility with which casual sex can be executed. Stick on a latex and let’s go, if you will.

            I would claim that this myth is one that, like the humanism myth that Barthes analyzed in “The Great Family of Man,” seems harmless. Its destructiveness arises only when it becomes a social norm to the extent that it replaces the societal pressure for abstinence and is transformed into a form of repression itself. Slowly but surely, a human being is defined not by the content of his or her character but by his or her sex drive and ability to have sex. If he or she has a strong sex drive and is able to fully explore and indulge in it, he or she is healthy, happy, and normal. If he or she has a weak sex drive, does not indulge in it and/or suppresses it and fails to use it in the acceptable form dictated by mainstream society, he or she is not healthy, and there is no way he or she is happy or normal.

             In fact, the term used to describe such an individual is asexual, and though only 1 percent of society is technically asexual, anyone who does not indulge in the myth of the casual fuck might be deemed so. Asexuality is never addressed by mainstream media and is far from reaching the normalization that even homosexuality or bisexuality is beginning to achieve. I would argue that more people fear asexuality than fear homosexuality or bisexuality. Consider, for example, Katy Perry’s hit song, “I Kissed a Girl.” It was an instant success when it came out on the radio last summer, for it excites heterosexual male fantasies and homosexual fantasies alike. It is a song with sex at its center, one individual’s personal embrace of her bisexuality. The myth of the casual fuck thrives off of this sort of thing, because while bisexuality is the theme of the song, at least some sexual is being expressed. God forbid a song come out with the line, “I’m asexual, and I like it.”

            This is a myth because it is a sexual revolution turned repression. It stems from the concepts attached to the new wave of sexual revolution, a revolution that idolizes the casual fuck and establishes sex as the baseline of mainstream and everyday society differently from its 1960s and 1970s predecessor.  The myth depicts sex as the center of life and the most crucial element of human existence and happiness, so that it becomes not a facet of life, but the central component. Sex is reduced to its primal qualities and begins to take the place of other forms of intimacy and personal connection within the context of relationships. We are bounded by, not liberated by, the myth of the casual fuck, and our perceptions, along with mainstream media and society, have become skewed. For example, in the comedic world, the myth is so infiltrated in everyday humor that it is stifling other forms of comedic creativity. The film genre is captivated by and entangled in the myth of the casual fuck, either unable or afraid to abandon the cliché sex scene or sexy protagonist. If the myth continues, sex’s place as a component of everyday life that should be accepted and treasured will be lost forever. Replacing it will be the suppressing idea that sex is the be-all-end-all, and the idea that life is nothing without it. Hopefully we can regain perspective and find a happy medium between the casual fuck and the romance of lovemaking. Perhaps then handholding will regain its place in society as the casual expression of affection instead of a marriage contract. Then we can truly link hands and declare liberation.